There is something in the air… A beautiful potential… I enjoy the word potential, as it really is the promise of something potent.
As I look around I have been seeing these couplings… almost mystical pairings. I noticed yesterday a couple, they were so completly enjoying eachother, and I could feel their connection. I don’t know who she is, but the guy is someone I have seen in the bar. He always looked as though the bar really wasn’t where he was going to find his mate, but he was looking there anyway. I wonder how they met… was it in the supermarket parking lot, or on line? did he help her carry her laundry to the car or do some landscaping on her property… did they meet in the bar? Who cares really? I guess I do for the interest of it.. I like them together, and I guess i always wished for him to find a sweetie. He seemed like a nice guy, and he seemed to want it.
Many of the magical medicine carrying women in my life are coming out the other end of hard journeys to find themselves in new relationships beside strong magical medicine carrying men.
I read somewhere in a book a few years ago, a line that stayed with me.
“Everyone got onto the ark in twos”
I at the time was struggling with the belief that there was a separation between the relationship times and the “work” times… half believing, half worrying that when i finally accepted the power and healing medicine I carry, and step up to do the work for real for real, that it would be alone. Maybe it was in my best interest to embrace the crone.
Fortunately there was always my beautiful inner knowing, the Buddha who hides but not too well, who knew that was a ridiculous thing to hold, regardless of the “reality” that there were no men in sight with medicine I wanted to swallow.
I thought that line was a rather jesterlike appearance of my illusive Buddha.
Everyone got onto the ark in twos…
While doing the work to get to know the Crone, to embrace myself in that role, I was finding a lot of youthful bright energy, I was finding wisdom and experience as well, but the youthful sprite of my playfulness was rather apparent.
And I also found a way to soften, to allow my heart to open in a way that I never had before. The walls were coming down, and I no longer had to be perfectly capable of handling everything. Letting go of that responsibility was very freeing.
The relationship from hell I escaped from last year taught me a lot, and If I value anything from that time, it was the opportunity to activate the hurts and the wounds that I had been carrying for so long. I had the opportunity to play out all of my bullshit, to live my horrible truths, to see myself through filters I would never choose, to be completely vulnerable and reach for a turned back, to hear the words “I love you” come from an empty vessel echoing hollow on the way out, I got to see me in crisis, in anger, in fear, in hatred even… At one point, he said to me, “you don’t need me, I am not strong enough, I am not sexy enough, I am not hung enough for you. and You can do it everything.”
Almost none of that was true, but what was true was that I saw myself and I saw that I was it was time to allow a man who could stand beside me and feel like a man. A strong woman only emasculates a weak man, a man who can stand regal beside a powerful woman… Now that is a man. I wasn’t with one, but I was doing the work.
That relationship mirrored all of my ugliness, and on the flip, I saw my beauty. Those mirrors are powerful.
There is knowing, there is pleasure, there is magic there is synchronicity, earth and the cosmic meet at the horizon, there is so much, and there is not ever one angle from which to see it from. Whatever “it” may be.
In that case “it” being myself in relationship to myself and to “the man” I have continued to invite repeatedly in different forms as long as I have taken men into my body. It really has always been the same archtypal man.
This one was the P-E-R-S-O-N-I-F-I-C-A-T-I-O-N of the root of the result.
It occurred to me, that if I could do this much personal growing, and inner work with a man who was eager to avoid doing ANY work, then what if I allowed a man who WAS ALREADY DOING THE WORK?
When I walked away from that, I was ready to do some work… And it was not going to be alone in crone mode.
Things are pretty beautiful now.
Conscious partnerships feel like magic, but that is just the way partnerships should be lived. We are just used to living these relationships soaked in dis-ease, and twisted chicanery. It is a whole other thing to stand beside another who holds their medicine dear.
As we are gearing up for the great shift, as we hit the Age of Aquarius this valentine’s day-spot on, It occurred to me that the mystic pairings are happening, and the work is going to have greater effect. Magnification of true love…