Walls

I have a way of opening my heart in full trust.

And then I give.
Time, energy, vision, ideas, the mic… whatever I have.

When those gifts are squandered, stomped on or rejected…

it hurts.

But I don’t close my heart to generosity.

I brush off the dust, get back up and keep going.

It has always been that way.

I see people harden their hearts like they listened to too much Quarterflash in the 80’s. But I don’t know how to do that and that practice never makes room for new and true connection.

I can build angry walls of “protection” around it, but my heart will always be open.

I have found time and time again that the angry walls are never fortress enough. They are never quite high or thick enough to disappear behind.

Once they’ve gone up… Get over, under, through those walls and you are likely to know the tenderness of my heart again.

I have said goodbye to lover’s, partners, even the love of my life–we left an open end all those years ago…

but there is something different about the constriction of being cut off by someone i cherish in true friendship. Someone I believed truly got me… accepted my gifts and shared theirs with me… over lifetimes.

It’s more painful.

However grand or present one may think my ego is.
I am not too proud to say when my heart hurts.

I am not too proud to admit that I crave collaborative connection with others.

There is nothing left if we all build fortresses.

For there, behind our fortresses we stand alone

Instead let us build shelter for all and come together

I am not too proud to lose the armor. What the fuck good does it do anyway?

If We dawn it to protect ourselves alone then We stand cold in the armor.

Alone.

Fuck the armor.

I am ready to leave the armor behind.

I’m just coming to the place where the closeness of my love comes with asks.

If I let you farther than the first layer of my heart, I am going to need a few things…

Communication.
Sometimes the most difficult part of the process is getting over the fear of direct heart communication.

Honesty
If you are afraid to tell me something… it’s the most important thing I need to hear

Tenderness
If you are gentle with my heart you may never see the lion that protects the gate to my tenderness

Compassion
I don’t always know what to do with my energy and I am never perfect in my being. But I am doing the best that I can to grow and expand in my understanding and come in a good way.

Allowance
If you disapprove of who I am, help me to understand why but please know that you don’t have to fix, or clear a path for, me. We don’t have to travel the same road

There is nothing left if not to learn and grow.

Original photo:
Franco Vogt (bricks and lion are add ons)

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